How to: Setting Boundaries

If you're anything like me, then you're someone who wants to be BEST FRIENDS with their residents. You want them to like you, you want them to hang out with you, and you want to accompany them on fun adventures that only first years are capable of having.

But, unfortunately, our job doesn't allow us to do that. We're always an RA first before a friend. So, it's important to set those boundaries that set you apart from friend and RA.

In training, I noticed that all the setting boundaries sessions talked about not giving out your phone number, or not adding them on social media, or keeping that distance. And, you can, but for me, setting boundaries is different.

I'm not afraid to give out my phone number to my residents. I'm not afraid to text them, or have them text me, or deal with professionalism within the texting hemisphere.

I'm not afraid to add them on social media, with the preface that they must add me first, so that they're okay with me adding them or being my "friend". Of course, this is a personal preference - some RA's don't want to be friends with their residents on social media, and I totally understand. Sometimes, it's way easier.

But, I think setting boundaries is more about your interaction with your residents. As an RA, you always have to be unbiased towards your residents when things happen. You always have to write that incident report, even if they're you're closest resident. You always have to call the campus police on residents breaking policy, even if you like them as a person. So, when setting boundaries, I'm always aware of my interactions with residents and how I talk with them, how I handle issues in the hall, and how I deal with what could potentially be a power struggle. Setting boundaries to me looks a lot like treating all of your residents the same and not picking favorites. Setting boundaries looks like being available on duty and whenever your door is open, but when your door is closed, you shouldn't be bothered. Setting boundaries looks like being fair with consequences, sending professional emails, and making it clear when you're there to help and when you're not. After all, you live in your job - it's important to have a place you can call home without always bringing work into your bedroom.

So, my philosophy is that you can feel free to be friends with your residents, as long as you've made it clear you're an RA first, friend second, and that your job comes first. Let residents know what is okay and what isn't, let them know your availability, and continue to be that unbiased person, even if your friends are involved.